Monday, June 27, 2011
All Ribbit and No Relationship
I've heard it said that you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your Prince, and if that's true, then my girls have smooched a few toads. Ever since they were little little girls, I prayed that God would start to prepare the hearts of the boys that would grow up to be the great men that they would each marry. We are still on the hunt for those guys. Perhaps the thing each girl has in common is their uncanny ability to see all the wonderful attributes each frog has to offer...he can hop really far, he has very few warts, his skin is the most beautiful shade of chartreuse...you get the picture. I am going to change my prayer...that God would make those frogs the kindest, most generous, most respectful amphibians out there, so we can quit wasting those sweet kisses on the wrong kind of frogs. Frogs are cold-blooded, and we really don't want that kind of man. Frogs move about on their bellies, and we don't want a man who does that either. Frogs lack scales, and excrete mucous through their skin, and that's just plain disgusting. Did you know that a frog sheds his skin all the time, just yanks it off his head like a sweater and then eats it? That's just gross. In order to eat, a frog squashes his eyeballs down so he can swallow his food. We've actually seen a few men eat like that, and it's not appealing in frogs or menfolk. Most frogs are all ribbit and no relationship, they move from mate to mate. Did you know frogs have top teeth, and no bottoms? We met a suitor like that, and no teeth is a red flag, for sure. Not the right match for any of my girls. I'm ready to call in a herpetoculturist to get some help for these 3, but in the meantime, if you see these beauties, go ahead and give 'em a kiss. They're actually the finest lillies in the pond.